A MOMENT

It was around 12.30 am . I was lying on my bed with Benazir Bhutto’s autobiography. Just in front of me , on the wall there is a calendar and a clock. Without my knowing , I was carried away by my thoughts and was far far away from my room. Didn’t know at that moment, but it turned out to be one of the most amazing moments of life till date . And right now when I am trying to put it into words I realised how poor my writing skills are! It was a moment where despair and hope both came hand in hand ! I was brooding over my current situation and somehow it changed. Completely forgot how hope overpowered despair. Dont remember the moment when my eyes fell on the calendar page. A girl was painting in seashore all alone...a rainbow emerged from her painting and ended in the vast sky. She seemed truly amazed and excited to see that. Couldt see her face but ya her hand and feet movements defined it in a far better way than it could have been from face. She seemed so happy! All details in the picture is in black and white except for the rainbow with all seven colours. That makes it truly wonderful. It was truly amazing towards the end. I was happy without any reason. I will never be able to put it into words how these moments were! Just excerpts.......

“I don’t fit into any frame. Fresh from college, knowledge is zero and the worst thing is I don’t know what I love to do. Right now I just wanna go to an island all alone. Lets take some few breaths and think wat I wanna do. I need to spend time with myself. I need to be alone. I need direction ! Need to find my passion. I just don’t wanna be that uncertain. Never in life I had been so uncertain! There had been time in the past when I got frustrated much. But that was for not being able to do what I wanted to do and, not for not knowing what to do!!!! I knew what I want but now I don’t. Whats there in my hand??? An uncertain future! Checking mail twice without fail and without any gain thats irritating!!!!!!! This is not what I should be doing! “Ei xualijani iman dhuniya lagise” (This girl looks so beautiful) I just wanna be at her place. I am so jealous of her. I wanna wear a skirt just like her! I wanna see something that amazes me! I wanna create something which makes me truly happy just like her..I wanna fill my life with all the perfect moments like this! Wanna be near a seashore all by myself oing what I love. I wanna see miracles! Everythings just so perfect ! “
It was a great feeling. It was such an immediate relief counting what i want rather than what I lacked! Suddenly I felt good! Felt lighter! Felt happy! Suddenly the room no longer seemed suffocating! Suddenly being unemployed did not feel so bad! There are lots of things which are still in my hands. I felt good.Really good! They say whatever you feel just before going to bed is your exact state of mind! So I am happy! I am happy??? Cant be...Well It is... I was happy and on the verge of a very good night sleep.